Lê Dîner - 29.12.2014

EATERY: Lê Dîner, 82A London Road, Morden, SM4 5AZ
FOOD ORDERED: Bánh mì Sandwich

 

"Please don't bánh mì from tha Grove Geoff man"

'Desserts' was a short-lived ice-cream palour, which became "Lê Dîner" within a matter of weeks. The new management appear to have kept the gelato-freezers but now also serve the classic combination fresh naan bread, and traditonal vietnamese sandwiches too.

It's a strange venue, they've kept the 'funky' black and purple leatherette booths, but have dispatched the ultra-loud chart music television. A definite plus. Service was friendly and personable, comparable to a tea stall at a Church of England summer fete, in a good way.

I ordered one of their trad sangers (with pork), as I'd never tried one before. I later found out that the Bánh mì was developed as a fusion food by French colonialists making the best of what they could find in their adopted homeland. It was quite a strange mix of ingredients; the pork had a deep umami and soy flavour, offset by fresh cucumber and coriander, but then with a load of coleslaw chucked on top too. And jalapenos. I've got to admit, the blend of tastes wasn't quite for me, but I can't fault the quality of the sandwich. The bread was freshly baked, and the pork freshly cooked. And for £3.50 it was better value than a Subway (*spits*). Apparently the traditional recipe includes "Head Cheese" (meat jelly made with flesh from the head of a pig). I'm glad the version I had didn't contain this, but even if it did, it would still have been better than Subway (*spits again*).

Is Morden ready for Bánh mì? I consider myself to be fairly worldly when it comes to food, and I'm not. But despite their superfluous circumflex, I hope Lê Dîner succeed in bringing their bizarre combination of Vietnamese, Italian, French and Indian food to Morden.

QUALITY: 8/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 6.9/10

Little Vietnam - 17.12.2014

EATERY: Little Vietnam, 1 Kingston Road, London SW19 1JX
FOOD ORDERED: Bun Thit Nuong Chicken, Beef in Betel Leaves

 

 "You weren't there man"

This will probably be the most exotic venue I'll get to within a mile of Morden Tube and is consequently one of the places I've most been looking forward to visiting.

The signs weren't great when I first walked in. It was cold, dark and empty. Though after the serving person poured a cup of green tea in me and turned on the 2 bar heater, I soon began to warm up.

My main dish was a warm noodle salad with spiced chicken topped with spring rolls, and was delicious. The beef in betel leaves was tasty too, though a little steep considering the size. Vietnamese food is characterised by simple, clean flavours, in contrast to the rich cuisine served buy it's neighbours (in Asia I mean, not on the Kingston Road). That's not to say it is any less flavourful, far from it. The individual elements are given more room to breath which allows the quality and freshness of the ingredients shine through.

The price was at the higher end of what I'd want to be paying for lunch, and the serving lady did forget part of my meal, but I can let that go. By the end of my meal, I began to find no frills atmosphere quite charming, I like it when an unassuming venue serves up spectacular food. I will definitely be going back.


QUALITY: 9/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 6.5/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 7/10

Sky Inn - 12.12.2014

EATERY: Sky Inn, Morden Court Parade, London Road, Morden, SM4 5HJ
FOOD ORDERED: Chicken & Sweetcorn Soup, Pork and Prawn Dumplings

"Sky Mangled"

When I opened the front door of The Sky Inn, all the lights were off, and there was no one behind the counter. I thought it might be closed, but a lad shuffled out of the back promptly on my arrival. For take-away eateries, I can forgive a lack of atmosphere. I ordered a light lunch, just of soup and dumplings.

The soup was hot, but thin and watery. The chicken meat was scant and cut into the tiny of pieces. It was also a bit tasteless. The dumplings were cold in the middle, so I elected to dump them in my soup. There were only 4 of them and they were tiny, so they didn't take too long to heat through.

I was pretty disappointed overall. I always expect to pay a bit over the odds for non-european food in Morden, but at £6 plus, I thought I might get a little more for my money. I get the impression that they don't get much custom at the Sky Inn, and with food like this it's easy to see why.

QUALITY: 4/10
PORTION SIZE: 4/10
PRICE: 4/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 3.5/10

OVERALL: 4.4/10

Capital Cafe - 08.12.2014

EATERY: Capital Cafe, 16 London Road, Morden, SM4 5BQ
FOOD ORDERED: Shepherds Pie with 3 veg.

"Capital Gold"

Despite the generous portions and affordable prices, Karl Marx would probably be rotating in his grave if he were to find out that his seminal critique of policital economy had been used to name a small business in Morden.

I ordered the lunch special; a Shepherds Pie, which for some reason came with extra potatoes as well as the peas, carrots and cabbage advertised. But hey, carb me up, it's cold outside. The mode of production appeared to be oven and microwave, via waterbath. Which is fine for a high street caf, no complaints there. The meal was large and hot, and tasty, and simple, but well seasoned. I was a fan of the amount of veg in particular, vitamins are important at this time of year. Though unfortunately they hadn't been drained properly, so the bottom of my plate was a bit watery. I was going to order a cup of english breakfast cha to go with my meal, but elected not to in respect of Marx, who of course advocated the abolition of proper tea.

At a price of £5.30, this meal represented great value for a large sit down meal, and I was overall, very pleased with my trip to the Kapital Cafe.


QUALITY: 6.7/10
PORTION SIZE: 8/10
PRICE: 6.8/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6.5/10

OVERALL: 7/10

King Cafe - 27.11.2014

EATERY: King Cafe, 137 Green Lane, Morden, SM4 6SE
FOOD ORDERED: Tuna & Sweetcorn sandwich with side salad

 

" 'king Hell "

King Cafe is located on the edge on the mile radius around Morden tube station that I drew when I started this blog, and as such, is the furthest I've travelled for a meal yet.

KC is an unremarkable greasy spoon on the south side of Morden. I ordered a tuna sweet corn sandwich with an extra side salad. The sandwich was filled adequately and the bread was fresh cut. The salad was basic, and fresh-ish, but over-priced considering it's size. All together my lunch came in at £5.60, which to me seems a bit steep. In fact the price marred the whole dining experience. Although the meal was decent enough, I left feeling violated.

QUALITY: 6.5/10
PORTION SIZE: 6/10
PRICE: 4/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 5.5/10

OVERALL: 5.7/10

Plenty Chinese Food - 21.11.2014

EATERY: Plenty Chinese Food, 93 London Rd, Mordon, Surrey SM4 5HP
FOOD ORDERED: Hong Kong Style Sweet and Sour Chicken with Rice, and Chicken and Sweetcorn Soup

 


"Zang"

PCF is a Chinese takeway shop. It has the sterile surroundings you'd expect from a take-out only eatery with it's bare tiled walls. I wasn't expecting anything particularly special from this establishment.

I ordered a from the lunch deal selection, not the cheapest at £4.90, but it does come with a COLD canned drink (something they should probably mention on their menu). I decided to also order a portion of chicken and sweetcorn soup, as I find this is often a good indicator as to the quality of the rest of the meal.

I'm happy to say I was pleasantly surprised, the soup with thick and meaty, the lunch portion was generous and they were happy to subsititue the egg fried rice for plain. There was plenty of meat, and it was battered nicely. My only criticism might be that there was a touch to much sauce, and the soup serving was maybe a little on the small size given it's price of £2.80. The gent serving was a decent lad too, and the food came good and quick.

In conclusion, a great meal from a modest munch-house.

QUALITY: 7.5/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 6/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 5.5/10

OVERALL: 6.6/10

Gosto Fino - 14.11.2014

EATERY: Gosto Fino, Merton Civic Centre, London Road, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5DX
FOOD ORDERED: Bacon Sandwich

"Brown town"

Gusto Fino is a cafe located on the Merton Civic Centre's mezzanine floor, above the reception desk. It is mainly frequented by Merton Council's staff, though it is open to the public too. The atmosphere is quite sterile, a bit like a staff canteen, but I guess that's kind of what it is. But it's clean, and the service is fast, and the queues are often short, though maybe that's not such a good thing.

I ordered a bacon sandwich on brown bread, with brown sauce. The bacon was pre-cooked and microwaved, which wasn't as bad as it sounds...however, the fat was severely undercooked. As I've mentioned previously, fat needs to be crispy, chewy fat is gag central - bleurgh. The bread was dry and a touch on the thin side, I really wish I hadn't ask them to leave out the butter.

On the plus side the sandwich was cheap (£1.95). Nothing to get overly excited about here though.


QUALITY: 5/10
PORTION SIZE: 6/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 6/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 6/10

Villagers Cafe - 12.11.2014

EATERY: Villagers Cafe Restaurant, 12 Crown Lane, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5BL

FOOD ORDERED: Tuna and Sweetcorn Jacket Potato

   

"It's really alright"

Villagers Cafe is a greasy spoon in the heart of Morden. It appears to serve as a common room for employees TfL who work nearby. The decor is simple, but the establishment itself is bright and very clean. Service was quick and friendly; I was in and out with 20 minutes.

I ordered a baked potato, which came with a small salad, for £3.80. The potato was hot and buttery, though maybe just a little watery...but I'm nitpicking: it was grand really. So grand that I maybe could have eaten another one, but I didn't want to end up accidentally running over my own head. The salad was crisp and fresh too. I can't stand sandy tomatoes*, luckily these lads were perky as heck.

Nothing groundbreaking here from the VC, but then, that's not why you go to a caf' in Morden is it? Solid and decent food, and service with a smile. Couldn't ask for much more in my opinion.

QUALITY: 7/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 7/10

OVERALL: 7/10

* Is it possible that legendarily naff singer-songwriter Sandy Thom (of Tooting), named herself after shit tomatoes?

Wiltshere Bakery - 16.10.2014

EATERY: Wiltshere Bakery, 4 Morden Court Parade London Road, Morden, London, Surrey

FOOD ORDERED: Bacon Roll

"Beer can sandwich"

The Wiltshire Bakery is conveniently situated between where I park, and where I work. They offer a breakfast deal or a bacon roll plus (instant) coffee for £2. On a previous visit to this establishment, the sales lady told me I'd need to pay an extra 10p to NOT have a coffee...which I found confusing. I didn't want it, and I could have just left it on the counter, but I didn't want to make her feel silly.

I have bought bacon sandwiches from the Wilty-B several times before, so I felt quite bad for them that on the occaision that I'd chosen to purchase for review, they'd supplied me with sub-standard product. In my mind, there are two characteristics that bacon should have - 1) it should be hot and 2) the fat needs to be CRISPY. Reader, this bacon was neither. The roll was decent, but the star of the show did not turn up.

I will buy from them again, as they have been good to me before. It's just a shame they didn't cut the mustard on this visit.

QUALITY: 5/10
PORTION SIZE: 6.5/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 6.3/10

Blue Junction - 15.10.2014

EATERY: Blue Junction, 1 Crown Lane, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5DA
FOOD ORDERED: Spicy Lamb Seehk Burger with Fries

  


"Naan more black"

The Blue Junction is an Curry restaurant themed Wine Bar, or maybe it's the other way around. I'd visited the BJ once before, a few years back, and was not massively impressed. But a work lunch takes me back there on this occasion.

The restaurant itself was minimalist, but modern, and clean too. Much like Morden, the lunch menu doesn't offer anything overly exciting. Having been a bit curried out recently, I decided to go for the east meets west "fusion" lunch option of a spciy lamb kebab burger with chips. The burger patty itself was moist and flavourful - real quality munch, though the bun it was served in was cheap and a bit disappointing. The fries were decent and the coke was cold. No complaints there. I would have liked some more exicting indian style dips with my food, like some raita or mango chutney, but all they were able to offer ketchup and mayo. Nightmare.

All in all, nothing mind-blowing here, but still a good showing from The Blue Junction.

QUALITY: 7/10
PORTION SIZE: 6.5/10
PRICE: 6/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 7/10

OVERALL: 6.6/10

Happy Day - 09.10.2014

EATERY: Happy Day, 22 Crown Lane, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5BL
FOOD ORDERED: Set breakfast to go - filter coffee with 2 pastries

 

"Potsie!"

Happy Day had only been open for two days when i paid them a visit. It is a Korean owned internet cafe. You know, like the nineties. It seemed promising at first, the glass window in their counter was stocked with a variety of treats, including french bread pizza and sausage sushi. The interior was quirky; seemingly "Hello Kitty" themed with a smattering of pink and bright pastel colours. Gaudy yes, but a nice alternative to the greasy spoons of Morden.

I was drawn in by the cheap breakfast deal - £1.95 for a coffee and 2 pastries. Brilliant value I thought, but reader, imagine my SHOCK on discovering that the pastries were miniatures, and the coffee came out of a vending machine. The coffee was passable, but the food was dry and stale. Quite an achievement given they'd only opened the day before.

I really wanted to like this place, they seemed friendly and were trying to offer Morden something a bit different, which I would always encourage. Unfortunately, I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth (cheap coffee). The lawsuit they may face from Paramount Entertainment should be the least of their worries. An internet cafe serving super-small portions of below average food ain't gunna stand the test of time in this town.

QUALITY: 3.5/10
PORTION SIZE: 4/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 7/10

OVERALL: 5.6/10

Manakamana - 01.10.2014

EATERY: Manakamana, London Road, Morden, Surrey
FOOD ORDERED: Set menu lunch - 10 (maybe more) "Momo" dumplings + dip and canned drink

 

 

"Manakamana, it's the mother-f**king D O double G"

Manakamana is a Nepalese take-away/restaurant, which is relatively new to the area. It's most notable features are its hand-made paper signage, and mismatched garden furniture (indoors). I think it used to be a chinese take-away, but they have squeezed a few tables in to the pick-up area to 'convert' it into a small cafe. Well village mate. But it's modesty is a nice contrast to Morden's more well turned out establishments where a proprietor might for example, stand outside giving you a hard time for not visiting them often enough (more on that soon).

I opted for option 2 on the lunch deal menu - 10 momo (dumplings) with coconut curry peanut dip and a COLD canned drink. I cannot stress how important it is that a canned beverage be properly chilled. Good start. I am pretty new to Nepalese cuisine, but I was impressed with the meal too. It was delicious and generously sized. I'm pretty sure it was all home-made too. If you've never had Momo before; they are steamed dumplings in an oriental style, but with curried/spiced meat on the inside.

I worry that Manakamana may not stand the test of time in Morden. In hip inner East-London areas their shabby chic may go down ok, but in gritty South London I doubt it'll play as well. Still, I wish them all the best, we need more places like this. Visit it while you can!

QUALITY: 8/10
PORTION SIZE: 8/10
PRICE: 9/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 5/10

OVERALL: 7.4/10

The Toko Diner - 26.09.2014

EATERY: Toko Diner, 21 Abbotsbury Road, Morden, Surrey, SM4 5LJ
FOOD ORDERED: Set menu lunch - Chilli Chicken Ramen

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore"

Toko is a Japanese Diner, run by Chinese peeps. Classic. I have whiled away many a lunch hour at this eatery so thought it'd be a good place to start my food adventure.

I went for the lunch set menu deal, which in my opinion constitutes great value at either £4.95 for starter and main, or just under £6 for a larger, fancy main. I went for the latter option. It was decent, and that's about it. TD in my mind, has always been consistent, and never spectacular. So much like the area in which it is situated; Toko is reassuringly average. I have a feeling this won't be the last time I make this comparison on MAF.

Worth noting, is the loyalty card scheme, where your 6th meal will be free (lunch deals only). Always a winner to reward loyalty - a definite plus in my book.

QUALITY: 7/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 8/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 7/10