Gregg's - 08.04.2015

EATERY: Greggs The Baker, 54 London Road, Morden
FOOD ORDERED: Bacon and Omlette Roll

"Greggulators: mount up"

It was a clear fresh morning, the sky was blue, Garry G was on the streets, trying to consume, some breakfast for the morn, so I can get some funk, just rollin' in my van, which I'd just dropped off at the garage owing to an issue with the timing belt.

Just hit the north side of the PCT*, on a mission trying to find Mr. Greggs the B, seen a counter full of meat ain't no need for more, all you skirts know what's up in the SM4.

So I hooks a right on the Morden road, just £1.85 for a bacon and omlette roll, I bumped out my wallet and said "what's up?", but the lady serving me said "sorry we're out of omlette love".

I'm gettin' jacked, I'm breaking myself, I can't believe they taking Garry's wealth, they took my cash, but they got no eggs, I looked at my brother said "Damn, what's next?"

Ten rashers under the hot lights and two in my roll, but the bacon in my sandwich appeared to be cold, I would have lodged a complaint but it's a tad bit late, Garry G put the sandwich in the microwave.

Gregg's have the market corned and they all around, but you can't argue with their value pound for pound, if you want a quality sandwich there's better places to eat, but brekky for under 2 quid, they can't be beat.



QUALITY: 6/10
PORTION SIZE: 6/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 5/10

OVERALL: 6.2/10

(*Primary Care Trust)

La Lavella - 02.04.2015

EATERY: La Lavella, 63 London Rd, Morden SM4 5HT
FOOD ORDERED: Chicken Escalope with Chips and Salad

"'Babs Windsor"

I'd been warned off this cafe by a workmate who claimed he's recieved extremely poor service there, so I walked into La Lavella with some apprehension. It is the biggest cafe in central Morden, and seemingly one of the busiest too. In fact it may be the busiest eatery I've seen on my travels so far. The tables are packed in tightly, and there were very few seats free. The queue at the counter was a long too. But I enjoyed the thriving, bustling atmosphere.

La Lavella is half kebab shop, half cafe. I imagine later at night, they close off the seated areas and open up the counter to serve revellers leaving the Irish pub next door. Despite this, it appears to have aspirations above many of the other cafes in the local area, offering a wide array of dishes in a warm, friendly environment.

The cost of my meal with a drink came in at just under £7, so I was expecting something special. My meal came quick (but not too quick), allaying my fears of poor service. The portion was generously sized, but the chips were a little under-done and the chicken a little over. Luckily, they had the widest array of condiments I've seen anywhere in Morden, all sorts of hot sauces, salad dressings and ketchups, which went someway to covering up the slightly dry food. Some may considered the dish to have been under-seasoned too, but I like my food this way. There's salt and pepper on the table after all.

Everything was in place for this to be a great a meal, but the food didn't quite cut it. So I left feeling slightly disappointed. It looks like the kebab and grilled meat dishes may be where the smart money is at. I'll be sure to try something from that side of the menu on my next visit.


QUALITY: 5/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 5/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 7/10

OVERALL: 6.2/10

Jose's Cafe - 13.03.2015

EATERY: Jose's Cafe, 38 Aberconway Road, Morden SM4 5LF
FOOD ORDERED: Vegetarian Pasta

 

"Hose B"

'Jeans; at the garden party! It is a shame Gladis. It's the American influence. Nobody dresses nice anymore. All these men now, walking around with their shirts open. And suits with TRAINERS. They don't even dress up for funerals no more. Have you ever worn shorts? I would never dream of going out in them. One time girls didn't wear trousers. I think I was the first girl in South Wimbledon to ever wear trousers.'

I had a plate of vegetarian pasta (£5), which appeared to be either decent quality dried pasta, or average quality fresh pasta (I'm not sure I can tell the difference really), mixed up with a jar or anti-pasti (sun dried tomatoes, artichokes, mushrooms etc). The meal was quite oily, but I guess it should have realised it would be. Yr lad put a set of parmesan (the type for the cardboard tube) all over 'er which some people might object to, but I don't.

The portion was a decent size, and the meal was pretty ok. But my meal was overshadowed by the three older ladies putting the world to rights on the table next to me. It was some of the best Granny banter I've heard in a while. Simultaneously hilarious, banal and incorrect. I stuck around for a good 20 minutes after I'd finished my meal just to eavesdrop on their philosophy bee. Classic Morden.


QUALITY: 6.5/10
PORTION SIZE: 6.5/10
PRICE: 5.5/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 8/10 (mostly because of the old ladies)

OVERALL: 6.7/10

China Garden - 20.01.2015

EATERY: China Garden,  95-97 London Road, Morden SM4 5HP
FOOD ORDERED: Chicken and Sweetcorn Soup, Ginger and Spring Onion Chicken

  




"Reaps the fields of rice and reeds, While the population feeds"

Chinese food seems to be over-catered for in Morden, but China Garden is the only proper sit down restaurant there. I suspect that as this is right next to "Plenty Chinese" (reviewed earlier) that they may share a kitchen. If you care.

I dined at The China Garden with my family and hence got to try a wider variety of dishes than I normally would. But to keep things fair, I will focus on the main dish I ordered - Ginger and Spring Onion Chicken.

We went for dinner as oppose to lunch, so there were no deals as such, and the food was full price. The portions seemed quite small, but I found myself feeling more full than I expected afterwards. The food was well cooked, and you might expect, super sweet, super fatty and super salty. In other words, everything you'd want from a Chinese.

The service was friendly and the restaurant itself was warm and comfortable. Nothing crazy good, but more than adaquate for my tastes.

QUALITY: 7.5/10
PORTION SIZE: 6/10
PRICE: 5/10
SERVICE: 7/10
ATMOSPHERE: 7/10

OVERALL: 6.5/10

Rosy Lea - 30.12.2014

EATERY: Rosy Lea, 78 London Road, Morden, Greater London SM4 5AZ
FOOD ORDERED: Ham, Eggs, Chips and Beans

 


"Gertcha"

One time, the "go to" greasy spoon in Morden, Rosy Lea now has many challengers to it's crown. It's a bit chilly inside, but it's clean and the staff are friendly.

Service is prompt, and the food is simple. Perfect. The ham is higher grade than I expected, and the serving is generous. Priced around £4 - pretty good. Nothing amazingly special here, but that's not really what I was after.

Functional food.

That's it soz.

QUALITY: 6.5/10
PORTION SIZE: 7.5/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 6.7/10

Lê Dîner - 29.12.2014

EATERY: Lê Dîner, 82A London Road, Morden, SM4 5AZ
FOOD ORDERED: Bánh mì Sandwich

 

"Please don't bánh mì from tha Grove Geoff man"

'Desserts' was a short-lived ice-cream palour, which became "Lê Dîner" within a matter of weeks. The new management appear to have kept the gelato-freezers but now also serve the classic combination fresh naan bread, and traditonal vietnamese sandwiches too.

It's a strange venue, they've kept the 'funky' black and purple leatherette booths, but have dispatched the ultra-loud chart music television. A definite plus. Service was friendly and personable, comparable to a tea stall at a Church of England summer fete, in a good way.

I ordered one of their trad sangers (with pork), as I'd never tried one before. I later found out that the Bánh mì was developed as a fusion food by French colonialists making the best of what they could find in their adopted homeland. It was quite a strange mix of ingredients; the pork had a deep umami and soy flavour, offset by fresh cucumber and coriander, but then with a load of coleslaw chucked on top too. And jalapenos. I've got to admit, the blend of tastes wasn't quite for me, but I can't fault the quality of the sandwich. The bread was freshly baked, and the pork freshly cooked. And for £3.50 it was better value than a Subway (*spits*). Apparently the traditional recipe includes "Head Cheese" (meat jelly made with flesh from the head of a pig). I'm glad the version I had didn't contain this, but even if it did, it would still have been better than Subway (*spits again*).

Is Morden ready for Bánh mì? I consider myself to be fairly worldly when it comes to food, and I'm not. But despite their superfluous circumflex, I hope Lê Dîner succeed in bringing their bizarre combination of Vietnamese, Italian, French and Indian food to Morden.

QUALITY: 8/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 7/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 6.9/10

Little Vietnam - 17.12.2014

EATERY: Little Vietnam, 1 Kingston Road, London SW19 1JX
FOOD ORDERED: Bun Thit Nuong Chicken, Beef in Betel Leaves

 

 "You weren't there man"

This will probably be the most exotic venue I'll get to within a mile of Morden Tube and is consequently one of the places I've most been looking forward to visiting.

The signs weren't great when I first walked in. It was cold, dark and empty. Though after the serving person poured a cup of green tea in me and turned on the 2 bar heater, I soon began to warm up.

My main dish was a warm noodle salad with spiced chicken topped with spring rolls, and was delicious. The beef in betel leaves was tasty too, though a little steep considering the size. Vietnamese food is characterised by simple, clean flavours, in contrast to the rich cuisine served buy it's neighbours (in Asia I mean, not on the Kingston Road). That's not to say it is any less flavourful, far from it. The individual elements are given more room to breath which allows the quality and freshness of the ingredients shine through.

The price was at the higher end of what I'd want to be paying for lunch, and the serving lady did forget part of my meal, but I can let that go. By the end of my meal, I began to find no frills atmosphere quite charming, I like it when an unassuming venue serves up spectacular food. I will definitely be going back.


QUALITY: 9/10
PORTION SIZE: 7/10
PRICE: 6.5/10
SERVICE: 6.5/10
ATMOSPHERE: 6/10

OVERALL: 7/10